the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
