Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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