apparently the secret to your success is patron
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Im part way to drunk.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
