Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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