Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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