I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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