To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You took a bar mat shot.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
