She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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