I cannot find my penis.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
