those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
