He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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