Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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