Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
