You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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