WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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