She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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