If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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