dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
