So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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