you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
