you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
