Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
