I just cut my nipple shaving
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
