ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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