??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
