It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
