My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
we're so committed to being not committed
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
