My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
