weddingsv make me drug and hornr
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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