she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
