We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
