I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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