I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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