my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
