don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
