The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
