1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
