I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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