So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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