it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
