I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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