I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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