speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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