He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
