What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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