my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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