I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
