When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
