walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
