how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
