He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
